The Effects of Aging
by In The Name
Summary: Jane contemplates his future and Lisbon's role in it. Does he really want to kill or be killed by Red John? Read and find out :p


**This is just a short oneshot that wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down and shared it all with you :D Enjoy!**

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The Effects of Aging

Jane was lying on his couch, as per usual, when Rigsby noticed something about him that wasn't there before. Rigsby, being Rigsby, couldn't hold this new found information to himself, oh no. So when he was in the kitchenette getting a snack, he shared his discovery with Van Pelt.

Once Van Pelt found out about this new attribute, it was all she could think of when she looked at Jane. She found herself stealing glances at him whenever she thought he was asleep, looking for it whenever she saw him. She quickly found that, even though she was normally good with keeping secrets, she couldn't hold this one in any longer than she already had. So when it appeared that Jane was sleeping on his couch, Van Pelt whispered the new revelation to Cho.

Cho had already noticed this, he had known for a while now. So he wasn't very surprised when the red-head shared with him this ground breaking news. He just hoped that the observant man in question didn't hear what Van Pelt had just told him.

Alas, Jane was not sleeping, and therefore heard every word of the secret Van Pelt was sharing. Too say that he wasn't pleased would be an understatement. He immediately 'woke up' and practically ran to the washroom so he could see the new discovery for himself.

Could it be? Could the flawless Patrick Jane really have a gray hair? Impossible, he told himself. But when he arrived in front of the mirror, he was faced with the fact that he did, in fact, have a gray hair. And once he noticed it, it was all he could see, staring back at him, mocking him.

Jane headed back to his couch, feeling dejected. It wasn't the gray hair itself, but what it represented. He was getting older and what did he have to show for it, nothing. His family was gone, a fact that was slightly easier to face now that he had the team. He didn't have any friends, other than his colleagues, and he didn't have any siblings. He was all alone. All he had at the end of the day was an empty house and a red smiley face on the wall.

He had to catch Red John, there was no alternative. Wait, when had killing Red John turned into catching? He had to make Red John suffer for what he did to his family, for all the other victims as well. Didn't that mean killing the son-of-a-bitch at the next opportunity? Of course it did, there was no question about that, was there?

When thinking of this, it led him to another train of thought. Why did he want to kill Red John instead of catching him? He knew the answer before, a monster like him couldn't be allowed to live and Jane needed revenge. But now, after working with the CBI, seeing the murderers they put away, Jane knew that Red John would suffer in prison. Red John would die either way, when they caught him, he would get the death sentence for sure. So was it so important for it to be by his hand that Red John died?

And what would happen afterwards? Jane had never thought that through, he'd never wasted a moment's thought about the future after Red John. How would he feel? Would killing Red John really relieve him of the guilt, lighten it in any way? When he thought about it, he would probably feel worse; he knew that killing a man brought no satisfaction. When he killed Sheriff Hardy to save Lisbon, he'd felt the pain of taking another human being's life, but he saved Lisbon, the woman he… well, he saved Lisbon. But this would be cold-blooded murder; could he actually go through with it? Would he be able to live with having Red John's blood on his hands?

But enough about how he would feel, how would Lisbon feel? It would absolutely crush her to arrest him. She would arrest him, there was no doubt about that, but it would kill her to do so. She trusted him; she was the one who was healing him. When his family died, he swore he wouldn't let himself care for anyone else, wouldn't let himself get attached. But the little fireball that was Lisbon had slipped past his defences. No, he couldn't hurt her that way. Lisbon deserved to be happy.

But he would end up hurting her if he went to kill Red John because if he didn't succeed, he would die. Jane decided that he couldn't be that selfish, Lisbon had gone through life losing those who were close to her, he couldn't add to that list. When Jane first started on his quest for revenge, he never had trouble with the prospect of dying, he had accepted it. But now, now he found that he didn't want to die. Not now that he had a reason to live.

Jane reflected on this thought. It was true that he was attracted to Teresa Lisbon; he had been since day one of joining her team. But he had convinced himself that it was merely a physical attraction, she was a thing of beauty and he was a red-blooded male after all. But did that explain why he felt the need to cheer her up when she was upset? Why he always needed to make her smile at whatever cost. Why simply being near her made his day. No, he decided, he had genuine feelings for her that went deeper than just a physical attraction.

Jane silently berated himself; how could he have let himself fall in love with someone after what he had done? Because he did love Lisbon, he'd known for a while but he had repressed it, denied it, to no avail. He couldn't deny that he was in love with Lisbon, but when had it started, Jane wondered. He came to the conclusion that it had started with their first case, it started slowly but surely, crawling up on him until he was too far gone to stop it.

Jane pondered that thought; to be in love with Teresa Lisbon. It was a little intimidating, she was a little intimidating. But the more he thought about it, the nicer it sounded. He quite liked the thought of spending his weekends laying about her apartment, talking about anything and everything. He liked the thought of having her share his bed, of holding her through the night, protecting her from nightmares, or more accurately, her warding off his nightmares.

It was true that Jane's nightmares had plagued him less and less since he started working with Lisbon. When he did manage to get some sleep, he often found himself dreaming of Lisbon, whether the dream was innocent in nature or not, they were always good. He would have dreams of them walking on the beach, hand in hand, and some where they were with the team. He'd had all sorts of dreams about her over the years and he found himself enjoying each and every one. Well, not _every_ one.

There was one dream, well more of a nightmare, which featured the lovely agent. This was the only one that was unpleasant, and unfortunately it was recurring. It always started different, but ended the same. These nightmares left Jane in a cold sweat, scared out of his mind. These were the dreams in which Red John got to her, took her from him and killed her. Sometimes he had to watch, sometimes he found her dead like his family, and sometimes he came just in time to save her from the fatal blow, only to have her bleed out in his arms.

These dreams voice a legitimate fear of his; what if Red John targeted her because of what she meant to him? If he allowed himself to find happiness in her, Red John surely would hunt her down; make him grieve her loss as he had the loss of his family. He didn't want to put her in danger, so he held himself back.

But isn't that what Red John wanted; for him to be alone, to not find happiness? So, in trying to protect Lisbon from Red John, he was doing exactly what Red John wanted. So the real question was whether or not Jane was going to let Red John destroy his life again.

No, he wasn't, he decided. He'd seen the lingering looks Lisbon had thrown him, seen the longing in her eyes, the love. There was no doubt that she wanted this as much as he did. He wanted her to be happy, to be safe, and to be loved. He also wanted to be the one to give her all these things, so what was stopping him?

As he lay there working through all these issues, he realised that there was nothing stopping him, not anymore. And they weren't getting any younger, his gray hair proved that. He realised that by spending the better part of his day contemplating his future, he was making it possible to have a better one.

With that, he gathered his wits and got off his couch. He walked into Lisbon's office without hesitation and waited until she looked up from her paperwork.

"You need something Jane?" Lisbon asked, momentarily lost in his intense gaze. In it she saw such longing and love she did a double-take. She realised that his gaze probably reflected her own. Before she could think of what this meant, he interrupted her thoughts with a smile and simple question.

"Will you stand up?" Jane asked.

"Why?" Lisbon asked. The question was contradicting what he was saying with his eyes. Or maybe it wasn't…

"I want to show you something." Jane said.

Curiosity getting the better of her, Lisbon stood up and waited for something to happen, for him to show her whatever it was that he needed to show her.

"What do you want to show me?" Lisbon asked when all he had done was take a few steps towards her. Her heartbeat sped up when he didn't stop, just kept closing the gap until there was barely an inch in between them.

"I want to show you how much I love you" Jane whispered against her lips.

Lisbon was overwhelmed by the emotions that went through her as her lips were engaged in an electrifying kiss. The relief that her love wasn't unrequited, her happiness that he was finally able to act on his love for her, and her love for him as well as her longing to continue kissing him. It was electrifying, his kiss. Any that had preceded it couldn't even compare to his kiss. She didn't hesitate in responding, and couldn't help but groan at the loss when he pulled away.

He kept his arms around her waist and she kept hers around his neck. They just stood there for a few moments, revelling in the feel of having the other in their arms at last.

"You love me?" Lisbon asked in a small voice.

"Of course I do. How could I not? You made it very hard for me to try not to. You turned my life around, now let me do the same for you." Jane said, giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

"I think it goes unsaid that I love you too, but I do." Lisbon said with a smile. "What brought this on?"

"Oh, merely the effects of aging." Jane said, earning a quizzical look from Lisbon. But he quickly wiped it off her face with another mind blowing kiss.

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**So... now that I've shared this story with you, how about you share your thoughts with me? Just click the review button, yeah, right there :P**


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